My heart today

  I close my eyes and all I can see is the face of Amack. Her eyes are the resting ground of the all-familiar flies, her nose runs and her smile is hidden behind the confusion written over her face. I hold her in my arms, keeping her close to my chest and feeding her the mush for breakfast. She is so young, maybe nine months old. I hold her in my arms and feed her until she is full, I wasn’t sure if that would happen but eventually her stomach seemed to fill. It seemed as if the food was more than just a source of energy, it was sense of security. For when the last spoon full went into her mouth her smile over came the confusion. She never hit at the flies; she never squirmed or fussed while I fed her. Her eyes would simply fix upon mine and her mouth would open in a sign she wanted more. The joy was infectious and her giggle was more than pure. I wish I could have captured this moment with an image, I wish I could have shared her face with you but pictures are not aloud inside the orphanage. When time came to leave Amack and the other children my heart broke. My heart broke when the gate closed and the cries began. The confusion came rushing back across their faces and the abandonment wiped the giggles from the room. It was hard to say goodbye. We went into the next room where the smallest children were. I walked in and picked up this little girl. Her ears were pierced; her eyes brown and piercing and she cowered in the corner in fear to be seen. I was afraid that she would begin to cry when I reached for her but to my surprise she put her arm to my face and her cheek to my chest. I looked down at her wrist and this four-month-old baby girl had the tattoo of a Christian. I knew the mark of an Egyptian Christian was either on your wrist or between your thumb and finger, but I never knew this age would begin the mark. Not but five minutes passed and her eyes started to become heavy. She nestled farther into my neck and with her right hand resting over my chest, her eyes closed. Without question I started singing her to sleep, rocking her back and forth singing worship song after worship song. It didn’t matter she couldn’t understand me for I knew no matter the language a child can still relax to any tune. Once her eyes had been closed, her breathing slowed and her body became a little looser - it was time to put her in the bed. I walked over to the cribs and rested her body down on the mattress. She was breaking a fever, her head was dripping with sweat and her nose was running down her face. I wiped her clean and prayed for God’s hand to protect her as she rested. The net was placed over the young babies to keep the flies from resting on them as they slept. Once again it was time to move on to the next room, but this time was a bit easier for my child was now resting. The next room was the elder ladies. The ladies were so sweet to talk to. They knew very little to absolutely no English but the language never stops the amount of love you can give. We laughed and loved on the woman for a while and before we left we began to sing. Oh come let us adore him, oh come let us adore him, oh come let us adore him - Christ the Lord. We only spent a few hours at the orphanage but it was a blessing I could have never prepared myself for. Even though we were there to help and to bring donations of clothes and toys. We left way more blessed and humbled than we could have ever brought with us. We walked our way through the streets of the garbage city back to our car, each one of us affected in our own way. -Processing and trying to soak in just exactly our place in this country. This trip has proving to be a trip where we never stop moving, never stop for a moment to truly realize the impact, the changes, the sights, the people, the relationships and the blessings. I try each day to take time alone, to stand vulnerable and transparent, to stand humbled in front of my Father in search of the changes of my heart. I am so blessed.

Today I realized it's not about the actions we are doing but the life we are living. What's the difference? The difference is this. Today when we went to the orphanage I left with mix feelings on our impact. Did we really "do" anything for the kingdom? Did we help them or hurt them by only being there for a few hours..? My heart is torn about the reality of short term missions. Yes I'm here for a month but that's neither here nor there with where we end up for the days we spend with the same people. As I sit here totally conflicted on where my heart sits, I realize the impact of our life seen from a different perspective - one that is not us but them. What really counts is the impact we made on the driver, the impact we made on the man who showed us the city, the impact we made on those that simply saw our lives from a different view. It's interesting to hear when our driver doesn't want to stop in garbage city in fear for us and our safety both within the food and people. And when we insisted on stopping and our reason being, this is why we are here - we want to be with the people - his mood changed. He not only let us out but came with us to the orphanage and fed the kids, picked them up and loved on them. A man that once stood firm with a cigarette in his mouth was now picking up the little children with a smile pasted across his face.  It is all about the impact on others. I just love the relationships we start to make with others as we spend time and consistent time with them. Sad that we leave tomorrow but excited on what it will bring.

Even as I sit here the man that makes my coffee each night, is now sitting next to me in amazement of what I am doing - or confusion. I'm not sure. But how fun it was to be skyping with my Mom and for him to say hello hello! 

The rest of the day was cruising the streets and hanging out with our new friend Norah (American spelling). She jumped in our van and cruised back to Cairo with us. It was a funny experience trying to figure out if she was with us for the night, the day, wanting to go to Alex with us. It was some serious fun trying to figure that out when she speaks two words of English and vise versa. It was pretty great though how things worked out. We ended up just going to have tea and coffee around the corner, after an epic adventure of more language confusion and walking around for no reason - bah ha. But all in all the day ended with a deeper relationship with her and a fun experience for the team. God is for sure working within this relationship. Tea time came and went and we are about to have worship on the roof before we head back to the market for one last hurrah, we leave to Alexandria (Alex) in the morning. Until next time.